When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
