If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
