Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
