And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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