Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
