Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
