uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
