the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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