as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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