i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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