I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
