Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
