the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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