I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
