So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
