i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
