just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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