we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
