no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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