we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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