I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
