At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
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I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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