....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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