if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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