Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Mom said you looked used
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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