sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we're so committed to being not committed
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