I heard we made out
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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