Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
