where am i from again
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
