the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
