So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
