Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
