I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
