haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
