meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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