worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why did my mother make you get naked?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
