i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
