11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
