why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize