I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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