Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
