beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
