I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I could fuck to npr.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
