how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im holly from the hills drunk
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
