Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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