We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
