I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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