He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
id be glad to
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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