We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
