Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
