he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
