I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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