I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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