just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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