I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
