apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
