oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
