problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
