whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
