I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
