so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's just like the Real World with babies
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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