Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
