I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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